"Christians"

   
I've come to despise the word 'Christians'.

That's a bad thing to despise.  The word 'Christian' should invoke light.  Truth.  Joy.  Love.  When people hear of a business run by Christians they should immediately feel it's more trustworthy.  When they hear about Christian music they should immediately think it should be of a higher quality.  When people hear someone say, "I'm a Christian," they should immediately feel safer.  The name Christian should be a herald of a caring people, who accept others, who will help, and who base their lives around a God made of pure Love.

That's not what I think of when I think of the word 'Christians'.

Christian has become a banner for bigots.  It's become a title for hypocrites.  It's become a category for judgmental, accusing people.  It's become a laughing stock in the realm of books, music, tv and movies.  It's become the type of store that sells chinsy knickknacks from China, and cheesy kids toys.

It's become a word that defines a people who spew hate in the name of love.

What does God do with all of that?

Today it all boiled over for me.  I've heard the stories before, the ones of Christians hurting people, of guilting them into 'loving' Jesus, of condemning people of the very sin they themselves revel in.  But today it was different.

Today I felt ashamed.  Today I was actually ashamed to call myself a Christian.  Why would I want to carry a name that people hurt others with?  Why would I want other people to know I'm a 'Christian' when it is the banner of mean, segregated, overemotional people?

There are good ones.  I know some.  Giving, sacrificial, loving people.  People who yearn after God, who display the community he always had in mind.  But I still don't know if Christians deserve that name anymore.  It's tainted.  Why should we be allowed to wear Christ's name, when we openly disgrace him?

I don't want to be called a Christian anymore.  I'm an imperfect, error-prone man who clumsily follows after God, knowing I'll never be good enough to deserve his attention.

I feel like when someone asks me if I'm a Christian, I will have to say, "I follow Jesus."