We've been together a long time. We used to hang out together at the chocolate factory, then we started meeting at the bookstore. Now I keep running into you at the coffee shop. I know our relationship has been beneficial to both of us, but I just can't take it anymore. We need to talk about you and your... behavior.
There have been a few bad habits you can't seem to break, and me being your loving employee, I have to set you straight before you embarrass yourself any further. First off, when we meet, don't forget I'm at work. And since I'm at work I really should be working. I really don't have time to sit and shoot the breeze with you. Oh, sure... I mean I have a couple minutes if you'd like to tell me something. But I can honestly say I don't have ten minutes to talk about how you clean your toilets, how you think everyone at your work is a bunch of sissy chicken s***s, or how you enjoy reading the satanic bible. Try to put it into your own perspective. If I came to your work and waylaid you for 15 minutes telling you about my personal issues, wouldn't your boss get upset that you were wasting valuable (and paid) time?
Second, your jokes are not funny. In fact, they're mean. When we're swamped with work and customers while being short-staffed, throwing a little joke out about how incompetent and inefficient we are is not funny. Its rude. And you're a jerk. I'm only saying it because I care. And on that note, the bell that is set out for you to ring for service when no one is in the immediate area is to be rung once. I can't stress this enough. There is no need to ring it multiple times, especially if I'm standing right in front of you. Again, not funny, just you being a jerk. I don't want you to look stupid in front of everybody, and trust me, this makes you look stupid.
And lastly, I can only do so much. I don't run the place, I just work there. I can't give you special discounts all the time, I can't let you write an IOU all the time, and I can't turn the turkey sandwich on the menu into a grilled cheese just for you. This is a business, with limitations. We only have so much money to buy product, we only have so much time to get items delivered, we do run out of things (stop the presses!), and we are only people. That means that mistakes, delays, complications and inabilities will be possible. Does none of this ever occur in your workplace? Because you must work in heaven for it to be so perfect.
This doesn't mean that I want to stop seeing you, although my ultimate goal is to progress our relationship above the employee/customer duo to something more mature like... I don't know, person/person. Don't forget, just because I'm working for you doesn't mean that I'm below you. I don't care if you're the queen of England, treat me like a person you would interact with in every other situation, and not a servant who should be able to perform any whim that pops in your little head that day. I'm just saying...
I'm willing to give this another shot, but not for much longer, especially if you don't get your act together. Its really for your own good.
Just think about it.
Sincerely,
Your humble servant,
Ethan, the guy on Wed. and Thurs.
I love number two. Hello working in JCPenney's shoe department. Especially the bell. ARGH!
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of disturbing the things some people will confide in their bank teller. I never thought working at a bank would be good practice for the counseling field, but actually...
ReplyDeleteAlso, customer, if your check is for $200 and you joke that you want your cash all in pennies, I may just give it to you that way one day. I can do that; I have powers.
Haha... pennies.
ReplyDeleteDoing taxes too makes me feel like the health inspector. I've been learning all these things I never wanted to know. Yet people feel comfortable telling them all to me.
ethan. i feel like i wrote this. every.single.line.
ReplyDelete