Transitions and Adventure

My head is swimming with so many thoughts, and I need to pour some out on the computer so I don't drown in them. Its weird. I feel unsettled. There's rarely a moment these days that leaves me content or at peace. Is that a bad thing? It almost feels like that weird dread you get when you're traveling and you suddenly get the notion that you left something important behind. Like an odd soreness on the backs of your arms and a bit of tightness in your chest.

What's that all about? Around a week ago God finally got me where He wanted me, and I cried uncle. And that was a big deal for me. It was... freeing. There's something about wrestling with someone for a long time, and you just get this bustling stream of pride that you will not let them get to you! Then you reach that moment when your head and your heart finally catch up to each other and you realize... I just can't go on. So you stop wrestling. For about a half second you feel like a failure, but then an overwhelming ease washes over you. You're done, you don't have to fight anymore. Sigh...

So shouldn't I feel at ease? No, I guess not. Because I feel like I immediately entered the dreaded Transition phase. No rest yet, don't indulge in that peace... you've got another step coming. And until then we will be transitioning. Have you ever felt comfortable on a 10 hour drive? How about a 7 hour flight? Did the time between one job and the next feel relaxing to you? Me neither.

So that's where I am. Moving away from my old hang ups and mindsets and moving to God knows where. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Every conversation leaves me with the impression that I missed something or snubbed the person. I'm having trouble coming up with the words to say, the reactions to have.

But let me bring up something else that has nothing and everything to do with this. Adventure. I am an adventurer, I love it. Exploring, trying new things, daring. But adventure is hard to come by most often. Then I finally came to a realization. Adventure rarely comes to you, you more often have to go to it. Scary, huh? I guess that's part of the risk of adventures, actually beginning one in the first place.

So me sitting at home writing on the computer or wasting endless hours on facebook will bring about an adventure about as much as locking myself in a crate and wishing really really hard. So on Monday I was off, and I looked outside, and it was beautiful. I grabbed some things and headed out to the state park. It was the best day. The woods were almost at the perfect peak of Autumn goodness and I wandered through the trees with my stories streaming through my head. It was cool, it was bright, it was what I needed. Near the end of the trail, I found a deer trail and followed into uncharted territory. I found a deer den complete with deer family, a neat little island in the creek, and a bunch of old glass bottles piled up in the leaves. It was like I was seven and pretending I was the very first person to ever step foot among these trees.

I was satisfied. One of the only times I've felt that these past couple weeks. And the next day we had that huge storm which tore most of the leaves down. If I hadn't gone out, I would have missed it completely.

So here's my reasoning, now that I have put myself in a position that God can use me, he is filling my soul with an undeniable desire for adventure, the next step. And he is making me uncomfortable in my transition so I will not stay where I am or never gather the courage to start the adventure. He is making sure that everything in me will leap for the next step, so that I won't miss the wonderful adventure He has planned.




At least, I think so...