Making Changes

When I was in New Zealand, I bought a spiral bone necklace at an outdoor market. I really love this thing, its tribal and has a fierce little design etched into it. I put it on November of 06, and have not taken it off for one day since.

Its sitting on the desk in front of me now. Something compelled me inside to just, shed it. I needed a change. I needed some piece of me outwardly to change. So I took it off. Easier said than done.

There were six knots on the string. It took me quite a bit of time just to get the first two undone. I worked and worked, but finally I realized I couldn't get the rest. They were too close to me, and I couldn't see them. I kept trying to undo them myself, but finally I resigned to go ask for help. That didn't work so well either. She got the next knot off but the rest were too complex. They were knotted over top each other, and after three and half years, were almost melding into one.

After she gave up too, I got a needle and tried to pull the tangle of string apart. You see, my problem was that I wanted to keep the necklace string intact, in case I ever want to wear it again. So I was going out of my way to try to undo these wretched knots, when deep down I knew there was no saving them. Finally, I did the only thing left I could do. When the scissors made their defining 'snip' and the bone swung down in my hand, I felt an odd mix of sadness and relief. I held it in my hand, staring at the yellow stain it has become, from soaking up all my sweat and dirt from all these years.

I was sad to see it go, but so glad to have it gone. I was comforted by having it there with me all the time, but now that its been cut from my neck, I know change is coming. I feel like this little necklace has demonstrated my life recently.

I'm making changes in my life. I'm tired of the old way. I'm tired of the old me, and my ditch-way of thinking. Last night I was encouraged to forget thinking about making new steps, and start taking them. So I started small today, I began to clean my rooms. And do you know what happened? One of the first few drawers I started to empty, there at the bottom was a letter opener, an ornate letter opener that I got in Spain and have been looking for for four years. It was like a little nod from God.

If you start getting rid of all the crap in your life, you'll find all the good things that have been buried underneath.