Something New

So a friend of mine gave me an idea.

What if I purposefully tried 25 new things in 2011? They can be anything, new foods, new activities, new experiences, new places, whatever.

I like that idea.

So I have decided to Try 25 New Things this year, and I welcome you to join me. Here is the badge I have made to signify a "New Thing Accomplishment". I will mark my posts with them when I succeed in newness.



What is life without new experiences? A rerun, that's what. Let's see what we can get into.

God Love

I was given a new way to look at 1 Cor. 13. I'm sure you know it.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

But then you also have 1 John 4

God is love.

So...

God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.



Food for thought.

The Mysterious Recesses

"The great, mysterious work of the Holy Spirit is in the deep recesses of our being which we cannot reach. Read Psalm 139. The psalmist implies - 'O Lord, you are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me.'"

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for his Highest

This and That

Yesterday was a strange day for me.

A cinder block classroom, a tempermental computer.

Learning tax entry at the Salvation Army wasn't what I was expecting to do that day. Yet there I sat, my mom on one side, Bunny on the other, punching in Marsha L. Foster's fake information into the tax software. It was humbling. Even more so when they offered us some leftovers upstairs. It was in that moment when I was glad, relieved even, to have a free meal... from the Salvation Army soup kitchen...

...its hard to put into words.

And then I was changing into my "business professional" clothes. And before I knew it I was heading to Dublin to a marketing company, resume and references in tow.

A sterile office. A vague office manager.

The first interview I've had in about eight months. Nothing new really. Same questions, same procedure, same sticky sweet secretary. The job is very vague, and for a marketing company it sounds a whole lot more like sales. When I said this to the man interviewing me, he replied, "It sounds like it, but it isn't. It's hard to explain."

So I'm a little weirded out about my second interview this Friday. Its pretty much job shadowing 9 to 5. I sure hope they're not the mafia.

I came home completely confused as to my life. It felt like Tuesday was a good example of who I am. Neither here nor there. This and that. I've traveled to 7 countries on 4 continents, and I've spent months jobless. I've hiked the mountains of Tasmania, and I've skipped meals to save money. I've had wondrous moments with friends, and I've felt utterly alone.

And Tuesday I struggled tying my red silk tie in the basement bathroom of the Salvation Army. It felt like I didn't belong. I didn't belong in those old tiled hallways with boxes of free bagels, and I didn't belong in that boring white office where everyone kept saying, "Perfect." So where am I supposed to be?

What does God have for me? And what's He up to right now?

Pretty Close

I love C.S. Lewis. He's always had a way of explaining things that I've felt but never been able to express. This caught my eye.

"This brings me to the [sense of glory] as brightness, splendour, luminosity. We are to shine as the sun, we are to be given the Morning Star. I think I begin to see what it means. In one way, of course, God has given us the Morning Star already: you can go and enjoy the gift on many fine mornings if you want to get up early enough. What more, you may ask, do we want? Ah, but we want so much more - something the books on aesthetics take little notice of. But the poets and the mythologies know all about it. We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows even that beauty is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words - to be united with beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. That is why we have peopled air and earth and water with gods and goddesses and nymphs and elves - that, though we cannot, yet these projections can enjoy in themselves that beauty, grace, and power of which Nature is the image. That is why the poets tell us such lovely falsehoods. They talk as if the west wind could really sweep into our human soul; but it can't. They tell us that "beauty born of murmuring sound" will pass into a human face; but it won't. Or not yet. For if we take the imagery of Scripture seriously, if we believe that God will one day give us the Morning Star (Rev. 2:28) and cause us to put on the splendour of the sun (Is. 52:1), then we may surmise that both the ancient myths and the modern poetry, so false as history, may be very near the truth as prophecy. At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of the morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in.

- The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis

No wonder I like mythology so much.

Losing Him

As in getting lost, losing track, turn around and realize he's not there anymore.

Not because of anything he's done. Nope, its my own fault.

I feel like God isn't talking anymore. I haven't really heard from him in a while. Things have been getting treacherously dark and confusing, and it doesn't feel like he's going to show up. Things, mostly social, have been a lot harder as of late. Good things I do, no matter how noble, seem to turn to ash in my fingers. No matter how honorable, no matter what the intention, it all ends in nothing. At least on my side. Following leads ends in a brick wall, giving my time ends in mediocrity, worship... well I can't say there's been much of that.

But you know what's caused all this? Cause I figured it out.

Prayer.

I haven't been praying. I don't pray. Well, that's not true, I'll put in an occasional memo on safe travels or pass along a request if I get a text from someone needing prayer. But me personally, spending quality time with my Lord. No, none of that.

And you know what fuels most of this? I don't know what to pray. When I actually do think to pray I sit and stare at the ceiling going completely blank. I'm at a point where I've asked for the same things so often I wonder if its really even necessary to ask anymore. He knows, and it doesn't seem to be something he's ready to give. I think what to pray for other people and I immediately feel stupid and small. For one, I don't know what my friends and family need. And what I would pray for them might actually be a hindrance to them. God's plans are so much bigger and more intricate, that my "helping" would be like taking a monkey wrench to a pocket watch. This has been plaguing me for a few weeks now and to be honest, I'm not really sure how to get back with him. I've been walking through these woods and now that I've realized I've lost him... I don't know which way to turn to find him again.

This past Thanksgiving weekend a couple of cousins stayed with us. One, who I adore spending time with but haven't in... years, is learning how to play guitar. I learned in high school but haven't played much since. She brought her guitar for the weekend and we were going to jam, but we discovered that my guitar's strings were very old, very sharp and a little rusty. Thankfully she had some extra and we set about to putting them on. Together. I gotta tell you, her and I working diligently on that guitar, working together without any qualms of who got to do what, with the smell of fresh cookies baking in the next room, and the excitement of playing together once we were finished...

That's a feeling I wish would have lasted longer. We had such a bond at that moment. We were both content, enjoying the others' company and work, we were accomplishing something beneficial and fun. We were happy. It was perfect.

That's how I want to feel with God. That's what I want our relationship to be like.



... now if I could just find him again...

To Know Your Heart

The bible says that God knows our hearts. In fact, he knows our heart of hearts. The deepest parts of our hearts, the secret parts of our soul, the innermost places of our very being.

And when he talks about this he is concerned about how greedy and perverse people are deep down despite their outward glory. That's usually the view we take with it. You seem like a nice person but God knows your heart, he knows how bad you really are.

That's true. But yesterday I heard it again and it hit me in a different way. God knows my heart and sees the wickedness that no else sees. But he also sees my heart of hearts, the deepest places there are. The places so deep most often I don't even see them.

Yes, I am a sinner, yes I give into wickedness more than I should, but God sees my heart of hearts. He knows despite all that, that I love him. He knows that deep down I long to serve him in the best way, that I long to know him intimately. He knows that under all this sin, is a saint striving to live.

Like a man in the desert who looks at the sand, and can see past all of that to the treasures buried beneath. Yes, the sand is still there, but it can and will be removed. And one day the glory underneath will be revealed, and not by the treasure's doing, but by the man who could see past it all.


That's a comforting thought...