Mom and I were talking about it and we both agreed if you had told us back at Thanksgiving we would be where we are now... there's no way we would have believed you.
Three jobs, one each day, different times different places. Painting, coffee, taxes. Playing the drumset weekly in a band, my dog gone... its very strange.
What is going on with my life? It seems like every time I turn around something is different. I can't keep up.
But I catch myself acting in ways I haven't before. I get up with a vague idea of where I'm going that day and who I will work for. I'm ok with that. Spontaneous changes in that vague schedule are not only numerous, they're ok too. I get cancellations and reschedules at the tax job all the time. Today I woke up and was told I shouldn't come in to work at the coffee shop. And I find that when my paychecks don't add up enough, I don't worry about it. I'm still tired of it, but I don't worry.
That doesn't sound like me.
But its more than work. I don't mind long drives anymore. I don't feel like its unfair or wrong when I hear someone gets cancer. Problems don't frustrate me as much anymore, getting all my meals in isn't a top priority any longer, and if I can't afford something I shrug and move on.
Who is this guy? My struggles aren't as embarrassing. If I can't live up to someone's standards, I just don't care. Reading books isn't as much of a joy. I put effort into what my hair looks like.
I just don't recognize myself anymore. And I really don't know what to do with that...
My life has changed so much in the past few years, and I feel like I'm just trying to catch up. Is there ever a time when I will be able to stop and make a decision of my own?
...just asking...
The only thing that is constant, is change. Some people learn to embrace it, some fight it all the way. Some change is good, and some is sad, or bad, or disappointing. All I know is, we are on a journey in this life and you cant expect the scenery to be the same every day. It changes. The hard makes us appreciate the wonderful. The sad makes us grateful for what we had for however long we had it. Take each feeling you are feeling and let it build your character. Let it make you better than you were.
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